This postcard was burned to ash and blown up the butthole of Santa’s chimney on Christmas Day 2009.
Don’t let the rest of the postcard clan meet the same fate.
Donate now to save Christmas.

Forget the whales, the postcards are dying.

If you’re looking for tax write-offs, a snail-mail penpal and/or a place to drain those large reserves of crypto-coins you’ve been feeling uneasy about, please consider paying me to be your friend.

I promise to mail you a wholly inappropriate, barely legible, hand-written postcard each time you donate or you can demand your money back. That’s my non-legally binding guarantee to you and I never waver on non-legally binding guarantees.

Donate Button with Credit Cards

According to us.whales.org, over 100,000 dolphins, small whales and porpoises are hunted each year. That’s not even an ember in the smokestack compared to how many postcards are incinerated each Christmas day alone. I personally burn 30 of them every Christmas Eve. (Postcards, not whales.)

Don’t think, act now. The future of the US Postal Service depends on you. This is more than friendship that you’re paying for. It’s friendship with a built-in call to social action. So don’t feel bad about paying for friendship. Feel good about contributing towards the end of stamp starvation. I accept all types of sketchy cryptocurrencies in addition to the ‘legit’ numerics that Paypal somehow magically monetizes.

Paypal QR Code

If you can’t find a way to pay me in your currency of choice, let me know and I’ll make it happen. Need a carrier pigeon with an extra claw? No problem. Need a vacuum attached to a drone to land on your sofa and suck up that loose change you’ve been keeping warm? Consider it done. Need to smuggle your $0.50 up the anus of a supermodel? I know a gal who knows a gal who’s totally open to experimenting. There are no consensual lengths to which I won’t go to empty your wallet. So why are you hesitating? You need a friend and I happen to be an excellent friend.

But wait, HSN-addicts, there’s more. If you commit to a $5/month contribution, I’ll commit to sending you a postcard every single month from now until I die or you unsubscribe, whichever comes first. Isn’t commitment great?

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